Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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