I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
