I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
In America we eat man semen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
