who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
