Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
