farters have to be the big spoon...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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