dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
