i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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