The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
