No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
