I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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