their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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