he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
