Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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