He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
