we're blogging at a bar
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
