We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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