So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
