Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
