when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
