Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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