is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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