super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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