My hand turned me down
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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