ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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