How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
