he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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