im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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