thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
