I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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