I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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