Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
