and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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