did you get engaged???
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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