The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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