I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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