Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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