Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
