A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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