It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
