I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
