I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize