So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
