I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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