Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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