i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
