i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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