got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
