She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
