Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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