do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
