She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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