I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
