Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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