how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
