please come you make the beer taste better
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need to calm my uterus...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
