I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
how does that bad decision feel?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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