Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
