In the future we'll all be gay
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
