In America we eat man semen.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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