She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Your tits are I can't wait for
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
