I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
