And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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