Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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