need another drink. this is the easiest way
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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