At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need to calm my uterus...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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