I think I won the penis lottery.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
