does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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