I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
