that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
