You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
