By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
