oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
