i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
