Is it because I queefed?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
