Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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