ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
