Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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