im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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