hotel room ftw
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
