We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
