He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize