Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize